Too Dark
by JesSilver106
Summary: Demon!Dean/Dean x OC Ivy Lewis lost her best friend, her boyfriend, and her closest ally all in one night. And no matter what exorcism Sam and Cas execute, those green eyes will always look a little darker than before. I'm thinking this will be a pretty straightforward 4-parter because it got too long to be a one-shot lol
1. Chapter 1

In my dream I was alone, darkness drenching me. Completely blind I stayed as still as possible, trying to get my bearings unsuccessfully.

Then there was laughing. Low, haunting, chilling. My stomach dropped and heart skipped. Breathing slowly in through my nose, I blew out my breath through my pursed lips.

"Ivy…" a familiar voice stretch my name out. It bounced around me, flooding the space. I lost all sense of direction the moment I spun around. I knew that voice. I loved that voice. That was-

"Dean?" My voice trembled as I called out my best friend's name. "Please." I don't understand why I always yell please. Like it's going to stop him.

"C'mere sweetheart." His voice was directly behind me. I spun around but still couldn't see anything. I tripped backwards, stumbling away. Running blindly, I didn't stop until I hit something. Not something. Someone.

"Dean."

"Hi sweetheart." I felt the sharp, hard edge of a bone blade at my throat. Dean leaned down and planted one on me, hard, even as I tried to pull away. "Didn't you miss me?" Just before I wake up, I feel the excruciating pain across my neck.

I stared at the ceiling of my room in the bunker, contemplating this reoccurring dream. Light seeped under the door from where I'd left the hall light on- my nightmares were getting to me. Dean had left two weeks ago, Sam two days after. Cas had stopped by once on Sam's request but I'd been alone. Just me and my brokenheartedness over the man I'd loved and lost. Not lost, the cynical part of me interjected. Not like that. Part of me wished Dean was dead, that I could have some type of closure in my grief. But no. No, instead he was running around with the King of Hell, black eyes and black heart.

I rolled over to check my clock. Two-thirty. I'd finally collapsed around midnight after researching for a solid thirteen hours. I wasn't really sure what I was looking for, maybe proof he was gone or hope we could bring him back.

Throwing myself out of bed, I stumbled down the hall to the kitchen, grabbing a beer and heading back to my room. After downing my most-important-meal-of-the-day, I flipped open my laptop and searched up the common demon signs. A news report flashed upon, my black-eyed beau grinning up at me before busting out of the store. Slamming the lid shut I pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes, the stress, exhaustion, and overall rollercoaster of the past few weeks hitting me in force. "Only one thing to do when frustrated."

I grabbed the first gun I saw in the shooting range, Dean's heavy semi-automatic. As my hand wrapped around the smooth handle, a memory hit me.

* * *

 _Dean wraps his arms around me, hand covering mine as he leans over my shoulder, one eye shut._

" _Alright, so line up, head down a bit, aim, and-". The kickback forces me back into his chest, bullet landing squarely in the center of the target. "Not bad for your first time!" Dean smiles down at me, arms still over mine._

" _Thanks," I laugh, looking back up at him. Aware that I'm staring, I turn to the target, surveying the punctured paper._

" _Ivy." Dean takes the gun from my hand and pulls me around to face him again. He's not smiling anymore, but straightfaced, watching me down his nose._

" _What?" I'm confused. "Did I do something wrong?"_

 _He shakes his head. "Shh." Reaching down, he gently pulls me to him, kissing me firmly, forcing me onto my tiptoes. At first I'm startled, but after a pause I return his kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck as he picks me up and pulls me to him, hands clasped under my legs. After a moment we come up for air and he sets me down._

" _Wow." I'm at a loss for words, but Dean's just smirking down at me. "Uh, thanks?"_

" _No problem. And just as a warning, I'm going to be doing that a lot more."_

" _Thanks for the heads up."_

* * *

I shake myself out of my reverie, dropping the gun back on the counter and grabbing one of Sam's instead. Lining up, I fire off a round before refilling. For an hour, I let my arms ache and mind go numb to anything but the shooting lane in front of me. Finally, I shake out my hands and rub my face. "Time for another nap."

Hours later I'm up again, pacing the floor with a phone in one hand and a glass of Jack in the other. "Sam! Hey! Give me a call back! It's Ivy!" I dropped my phone to the table and gulped my glass. After a moment my phone jumped to life and I grabbed it, expecting Sam. "Finally, you haven't called me back in ages-"

"I've missed you, too."

Total, petrifying, fear stunned me as the voice of nightmares filled my ears. I couldn't speak, couldn't breathe. I was frozen.

"What's the matter, babe?" Dean murmured through the phone. "Aren't you glad to hear from me?"

"Dean." My voice was tiny, weak even to my own ears.

"You're so cute when you're surprised. So what have you been up to? Hanging around the bunker waiting for Sammy to show up or Cas to stop by?" He sounded wrong, harder, more angry than I'd ever heard him.

"What do you want Dean?" I managed to breathe out.

"Same thing I've always wanted- you." I slumped into a chair, sure I heard him wrong.

"What?"

"I wasn't kidding. I do miss you. I love you, Ives. Always have, always will." For the first time that felt like a threat coming from him.

"Stay away from me Dean."

"Mmm… nah. I don't like to be told what to do. And it's not like I don't know where you are. The Bunker, right? Holed up, all alone, pining away for your boyfriend?" I could hear him smiling, laughing at me.

"No. You're wrong. Sam and I agreed it'd be better to be far away from the Bunker right now. Find somewhere else safe and secure. Some motel somewhere."

"Whatever you say Princess." He knew I was lying, there was no way he'd believe me. "But wherever you are, I'll be by soon. Stop in and say hi." He sighed. "Well, that's all the time I got. I'm sure you'll be dropping this phone somewhere, but I'll find you, no worries. Love you babe."

The call ended with a beep. I shivered, fighting back tears. I had to get out, go somewhere, really, truly leave, and soon. If Dean really did come looking for me I had to be gone. Sprinting to my door, I burst open the door of my room, pulling clothes out of my drawer, dumping flannels and jeans and boots onto my bed. I grabbed a too-big Zeppelin shirt, the classic faded font vertical down the dark grey shirt.

* * *

 _It was movie night. Footloose was my choice and even though Dean griped and teased, I could see his small smile. I leaned into him, my head resting on his neck, his arm wrapped around my waist, hand locked on my hip. About halfway through, he leaned into you, softly kissing your neck. His kisses became more hungry, more needy. He pulled me into his lap as I laughed. Moving around my neck and clavicle he kissed me hard and passionately. A cough came from across the TV room, and we froze. Sam watched us with arched eyebrows._

" _You guys want to get a room?" Sam laughed._

 _Dean's eyes bore into me. "We don't need to get one. We have one."_

 _I woke up with my head over Dean's tattoo, his bare chest my favorite pillow. His arm was cupped around me, hand gripping my arm possessively. I stretched, one hand running through Dean's dirty blond hair to wake him up._

" _Hey babe." He smiled down at me, biting his lip._

" _I need food, Dean. Let's go out and get breakfast." I pulled on his muscular arm._

" _Not like that." He teased, glancing at me._

 _I climbed out of bed grabbing my clothes and pulling them on. Before I could grab my shirt, I saw Dean's from the other night._

" _Led Zeppelin suits you. You can keep it."_

* * *

I threw the shirt back into my drawer and piled all my clothes into an old duffel Sam had lent to me. I pulled three hundred dollars from an old notebook and called Sam.

"Sam. I'm getting out. Dean knows where I am and I can't...I can't be here if he's coming for me. I'm going to find a motel and get out for a while. I'll give you a call when I find one. Or-or send Cas to meet me I don't know I just gotta get out. Please. Please give me a call back."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Sam's POV**_

I painfully lifted my head to see Cole, this time brandishing a knife. "C'mon Sam. Where's Dean-o? He doesn't care about you. He doesn't give a crap about you. Just let it go or things are going to get ugly."

I spit at his feet, blood mixed saliva.

"Wrong answer." The knife blade rested over my finger, ready to cut, but my cell alerted a voice mail first. "Who could this be? You're brother maybe?" He put the cell on speaker and Ivy's name and number flashed on the screen. "Now who is this?"

"No one you need to worry about." I clenched my jaw, eyes narrowed.

"If Dean's looking for her, I'm going to worry." Cole spun his knife in his fingers thoughtfully. "Actually this might be to my benefit. I'll tell Dean-o where his girl is at and meet him there."

"You don't know where she is. How do you plan on finding out?" I'd never let him know. He could cut off all my fingers before I let him use me to find Dean. And no way was Dean finding Ivy.

"You're going to find her for me. You're going to call her and ask her where she is. Beg her to stay safe." I scoffed, about to deny it. "And if you say no, I will tie you to the back of my car and drive until I find her and before I giver her over to the savage you call a brother I will force her to look on your dead body and tell her, 'This. This is the reason you will die. Because this man loved his brother more than any other human life. Because a monster meant more to him than anyone else.'"

I paused. I couldn't bear the thought of letting Dean find Ivy. As Bobby's niece she'd been a part of our life since before we could remember. We were all she had. Dean and I loved her as one of us and she'd trust me not to let him get to her. But if I could get there first somehow, if I could find Dean before he found her maybe we could be okay. Otherwise her and Cole would be goners. "Fine. I'll call her. But let me say goodbye."

"Thought you'd come around."

Cole hit a few buttons before holding the phone under my face, speakerphone on. "If I think _anything_ sounds out of the ordinary I will take a hammer to your kneecap."

"Sam!" My heart broke at her hopefulness and I had to pause to keep my voice from breaking.

"Hey, Ives. Listen, I'm sorry I haven't called you back, been looking for Dean. I got a little caught up. What's up hon?"

"It's, it's Dean, Sam. He knew I was in the Bunker. I had to get out of there. I'm at a motel in Haysville, couple hours outside of Lawrence. It's called The Red Run, Room 17. Please just- just come fast. Okay?" I could hear her fear, hear the shake in her voice. Swallowing hard, I nodded.

"Okay. I'll up be there as soon as I can. But lock all the doors, arm up okay? And…" I breathed out, slowly. "I love you Ivy. I mean it. No matter what. You mean the world to me and I will always, always protect you, okay? Ivy, I need to hear you say okay." Biting my lip hard, I tried to keep my voice steady.

"Okay, Sam. I love you, too. Are- are you okay? I mean should I be worried?"

"No. No, I'm okay Ives. Just keep yourself safe okay? I'll see you soon." Cole hit the end call button.

"Perfect. Red Run, Haysville, Kansas. Room 17." Before he could continue, another phone rang, his this time. He turned away, pacing around the warehouse, talking to someone in a hushed voice. Running my hands along the back of the chair, I felt a sharp pain split through my finger, and my hand became slick with blood. Carefully feeling for the edge again, I found a nail jutting out of the back of my chair and began to run the duct tape around my wrists over the edge until I felt the pressure relieve itself on my wrists. Moving fast I grabbed my bag and bolted.

After an hour or so, I pulled off to the side of the road, rummaging in my duffel for my cell, praying that Cole had dropped it back in the bag. He hadn't. Slamming my palm against the wheel, a string of curses flew from my mouth. I'd just have to get to Ivy before Cole could tell Dean where she was and Dean could get there.

* * *

As Bobby's niece, Ivy was well-versed in pain and suffering. She'd lost her mom, dad, and older brother when she was nine. She'd sat with them for days, holding her mother's hand until Bobby visited his sister's house and saw the handiwork of a werewolf. We'd grown up with Ivy, and Bobby made us promise that we wouldn't let anything happen to her. I'd never thought that'd mean hiding her away from Dean, though.

They'd always had a thing for each other- even when they were little Dean would pull her hair and she'd punch him back. Two years older, Dean had always towered over her tiny frame, grinning down at her. A couple years ago I'd gone to talk to Dean and found them asleep together, quietly wrapped around each other. It was new, different, especially when they were bold about their relationship. But I loved them both and I'd seen how Dean would look at her. She was his world that much was obvious.

* * *

It took too long to get to the motel. I could feel it even as I hit the gas and heard the engine roar. I wasn't going to make it. An hour later I squealed into the parking lot, tires leaving lasting marks on the road. I threw the Impala into park and grabbed my gun, moving slowly down the row of doors. I could tell before I'd reached her room that Ivy wasn't there, the door was open a crack, blood splattered the walkway. Pushing the door open, I found Cole, bled out from a knife wound to the chest. I continued moving through the room, sweeping the room with my flashlight and gun. Kneeling over Cole, I felt for a pulse and found nothing.

"I tried. I'm sorry." My cell rang loudly and I jumped up, searching through Cole's pockets for the source of the sound. "Hello? Ivy?"

"Try again."

"Dean."

"Sammy! It's been a while."

"Where's Ivy?" I demanded, trying to keep the fear from my voice.

"She's right here. Ivy? You got something you want to say sweetheart?" There was murmuring, and a muffled Sam was yelled from the background. "See? Perfectly find. Now let's talk."

"Yeah, let's talk deal. You give me back Ivy and I don't bother you ever again." I was begging with him, pleading and he knew it.

"Mmm. That might have worked before but not now. You brought this on yourself and now Ivy's going to spend some time with me. So here's what we're going to do. You come near me, you try and find her… Ivy's never going to see the light of day again. Stay away and you can sleep easy knowing she's alive. Come near me and that will change."

"Dean… please don't do this. Please-"

"It's too late Sammy. Sorry. Now say goodbye to Ivy." I heard a gasp of breath.

"Sam. It's okay. It's… I'll make it." I almost smiled hearing her voice. She'd seen way too much crap and she fought through it. And she was still fighting. I could hear it in her.

"I'm sorry I couldn't- I'm sorry Ives. But we'll get him. I promise you. Me and Cas, we'll-"

"Good talk Sam, but don't give her any false hope, yeah?"


	3. Chapter 3

Ivy's POV

Handcuffs bit my wrists. My head exploded with every heartbeat, my cheekbone throbbed from where Dean had hit me. I had no idea how he found me, but there he was kicking down the door, and sauntering over to me. I threw a punch, landing squarely on his jaw. He didn't flinch, just smirked at me. The next second I was falling, my cheek burning from his fist. It was hours later I woke up, throbbing and handcuffed, thrown in the passenger seat of some old car.

"Hey sweetheart! Nice to see you up!" Dean had glanced down at me, biting his lower lip into a grin. "How ya feeling?"

"Fan-freaking-tastic. I love getting beat-up by my ex." I felt blood dribble down from my temple, tasted it in the corner of my mouth.

"Ex? Ah c'mon! That was just a rough patch. Everyone has rough patches. We'll work it out, yeah? Plus, the things I'm gonna do to you… nah exes don't do that." His laugh made my skin crawl and bile rise in my throat.

"It doesn't matter where you take me, or what happens, Sam will find me. We will fix you."

"You know, I always loved that about you. You're stupid, foolish, disgusting optimism," Dean said.

"Where are we going?" I bit my lip, shifting around. The handcuffs were causing my hands to lose circulation.

"Crowley's got a little joint hooked up. Real nice. You'll love it. But… we still have a good couple of hours. Get some rest, you'll need your energy." Swiftly, he punched me straight cross the jaw. My head slammed against the car window and spots filled my vision. With a groan I closed my eyes, sinking into unconsciousness.

 _Murkily I looked up to see Sam, face full of anguish, carrying me down the steps of the bunker. Dean was in front of us, throwing books and papers off the library table._

 _"Alright, put her down Sam." Dean's voice wavered. "I'll get the medkit." I felt a slight prick, and glanced down to see Sam sticking me with a syringe. Quietly, I moaned._

 _Sam glanced up, worry draining slightly from his eyes, relief sliding in. "Hey… hey hold on kiddo. We're going to take care of you. You're gonna be fine." Slowly I blinked, against my will my eyelids closed._

 _"Hey, no, no, no. Keep looking at me." I felt someone tap my cheek. "Ivy!" Dean's voice yelled in my ear._

 _I woke up with bandages covering my arms, legs, head. I tried to move, pain shooting through my veins; I cried out in agony. Footsteps responded, Dean slammed through the door, at my side in a second. "Hey sweetheart. Hey, I know, I'm sorry."_

 _"What… what happened? We were going to the house, but I can't- what happened after that?" My voice cracked._

 _"You wandered off. It was just a few minutes but-" He sighed, rubbed his hand over his face. "We found the ghouls feasting on you."_

 _"Sorry," I managed to croak out._

 _"It's okay. We're okay. Don't worry- I'm going to take care of you."_

I woke in a cabin, the floor made of dirt, the timber walls and furniture covered in substances I didn't want to imagine. My arms had been handcuffed behind me, chaining me to a headboard. My clothes were missing, leaving me in nothing but a bra and panties. I could hear Dean in another room, and my heart sped up in fear. Sam had better hurry up. Quietly, I tried to pull on the cuffs, but there headboard wouldn't give and neither would the chains. I yanked harder, desperation clouding my senses, and the bed squeaked from my movement. Sound from the other side of the cabin stopped, and I froze in fear, closing my eyes and going limp to play asleep. Dean's boots knocked against the floor, every step closer made me want to scream and fling myself away from him.

"Cmon Ives. You never were a good actor." Suddenly a sharp pain erupted on my arm and my eyes flew open as I cried out. The First Blade glistened with my blood as its holder leered down at me. "Morning."

"Dean…" hot tears slipped down my cheeks as I watched him begin to unbutton his pants. "Please. Don't do this. Please, Dean." My begging turned to screaming as he straddled me on the bed, leaning over me and trailing the Blade between my breasts, cutting open my bra and slicing my skin along the way.

"Mmm… I always loved how you screamed my name." He dropped the Blade on the bed next to me and went to work.

My screams turned to whimpers, throat aching from the cries. The crying didn't stop though, and my tears crusted my face. It was more than just physically painful, though the feeling of my flesh ripping will always haunt me. No, I thought of Dean, of all the hours we'd spent together, holed up in crappy motels researching, singing in the car on long road trips, our first kiss, the first time I told him I loved him. In waves it hit me and my broken voice would cry out for him, for my boyfriend, my best friend. Dean would only laugh, brush away a few tears and tell me it's okay, he's right here, and he's not leaving anytime soon.

After what felt like hours he finally sat up, hopping off the bed and getting dressed. "You did good princess. Told you I missed you." A phone rang from somewhere in the cabin. "Rest up. You're gonna need it for round two." He kissed me hard on my mouth and grabbed the Blade before walking out of the room. Numb and exhausted I went limp, aching for sleep. But from another room I heard Dean speaking. "... told you not to call me Sammy. Ivy and I were spending some quality time with each other. You know, honeymoon phase." There was a moment of silence, then- "Sorry Sam. I think we're good on our own. No worries about Ives, you shoulda heard her she was having the time of her life. But if I think you're digging too deep, or I think you're going to crash the party, Ivy might not be doing so well." Dean slammed the phone down loud enough to make me jump, even from the next room. Physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted I let myself drift to sleep.

 _We lay on the grass outside of Bobby's house, a couple bottles of beer scattered in the backyard around us, staring at the sky, Van Halen playing softly from John's old boom box. We were sixteen and eighteen._

 _For hours we'd talked, Dean telling me about his latest hunt, watching the sun fall and stars wake up. I'd told him about my family, the day I came home from a friend's house and found them, my mom the only one alive, just gurgling for hours. He'd listened in silence, watching the tears slip down my cheeks, and handed me another beer. We'd been quiet for a while now, just humming to Billy Squire and AC/DC._

 _I noticed Dean staring at me, eyes taking me in and I rolled onto my side. Dean pulled me to him, wrapping one hand around my waist and the other cupping my jaw. At first I pulled away, but after I moment I looked into his eyes. God how could they be that green? I loved his eyes. And his jaw line. And that ass didn't leave a lot to want. Was there anything wrong with him? After a minute I moved closer, running my hands through his hair. Leaning down he brushed his lips by mine, beer light on his breath._

 _"Dean." I shouldn't make out with him, I shouldn't make out with him, I shouldn't make out with him. We'd drunken a little too much, gotten a little carried away. This was meaningless and would only mess with my heart and our friendship._

 _"Just let me kiss you, okay? The only time I have the nerve is when I've got that buzz, so just let me kiss you." He wrapped his lips around mine, working his mouth. I kissed him back, both hands holding him to me. He moved lower slightly, biting my lower lip with me sucking his upper. He pushed me onto my back, not letting go but wrapping his legs over me. Murmuring, I clung to his neck with one arm, the other running through his hair._

 _"Ivy…" he breathed out my name and I nearly lost it as he moved his mouth over my cheek and neck, sucking on my clavicle. When he moaned I gasped, gripping him to me when-_

 _"Dean!" A hand wrapped around Dean's collar, tanning him off me. John. "Ivy?" In the dark I could just make out John, gripping Dean's neck and staring at me in shock and disappointment. "Get up!" I obeyed immediately, jumping to my feet and buttoning the top four buttons of my flannel. I hadn't realized they'd come undone._

 _John marched us into the kitchen, where Bobby stood, leaning against the doorframe. John pushed me forward, Bobby catching me by the arm. I felt Bobby's eyes glance between me and Dean, but couldn't look up._

 _"Anything to say?" My uncle drawled._

 _"We didn't do anything," Dean muttered._

 _John shoved him against the wall, one arm against his throat. Bobby yelled at him but John glared him down. "Yet. But if she ends up pregnant I will rip you to shreds."_

 _"That's enough John." Bobby spoke quietly but there was power in his voice. John dropped his arm and Dean sucked in air. "Ivy, upstairs. Now. If I even think you're trying to get out I will lock you in the panic room." I obeyed, glancing up at Dean. The smallest smile greeted me._

 _Sam, Dean, and John were gone when I got up that morning, and by the time they came back the hickey on my clavicle was faded and the bruise on Dean's neck was healed._

I woke in pain. The cut skin along my arm was crusted with dried blood, and my chest still oozed red, not to mention the throbbing that emitted from my lower half. Even if I had the strength to cry there was nothing left in me. I hadn't eaten for days, and the last liquid I had was a glass of whiskey the night Dean found me. How long ago was that? How long had I slept? Fear crept into my mind, reminding me that I was at the total mercy of a demon, and a demon with years worth of torturing experience and an unhealthy attachment to me. Panic rose in my throat but I pushed it down, breathing through my mouth to keep from retching.

After an hour or so of twisting against my restraints, I heard the door open and close. Dean. His last words rang in my mind and I started shaking in fear. Closing my eyes, I ducked my head, thinking of Sam, willing him to get here faster. After a minute I'd controled my tremor and looked up to see Dean, leaning against the doorway, a lecherous grin on his face.

"Praying to Cas over there, Ives?" He strode toward me and I had to force myself to stay calm, to breathe. "You never were the religious type."

"Well, there are no atheists in foxholes, right?" My voice was steadier than I thought; though it was hoarse it didn't convey the revulsion I felt inside.

"My dad used to laugh at that. Said people who said that never lost anyone." Dean sat on the bed, brushing my hair away from my face. It would have been romantic if, you know, he wasn't a psycho who had me chained naked to a bed.

"How long… how long since you found me?" I ventured the question, scared to think of what might have happened in all the gaps that filled my memory.

"Today's day four of our honeymoon. But don't worry. I plan on making this vacation as long as possible." Cupping my face he caressed my cheek. "Better rest up. I'm not done with you yet."

Day four turned into day five, six, seven. Dean fed me crackers and beer, laughing at my eagerness to drink and eat. On day six he unchained me from the bed, but kept the handcuffs on my wrists. I tried to walk, to stretch my muscles, but every movement cause pain to ripple over me.

The days passed the same. I'd wake up and Dean would be gone. I pulled against the cuffs every day to no prevail. After a couple hours the door would open and close and Dean would throw me the bare minimum of food. He'd sit at the foot of the bed, watching me as he sharpened the Blade and cleaned his gun. After an hour he'd leave again, coming hours later, more often than not speckled in blood. Every night he climbed onto the bed, whether forcing himself on me, reminding me of our childhood memories and old hunts, or just wrapping his arms around me, falling asleep with me and causing me so much panic that I couldn't sleep for fear he'd wake up and start torturing me.

The cutting was kept to a minimum; Dean would slit the bottom of my feet or along my neckline, but never too much. He said he wasn't one for a scarred up girl. "No point in cutting you to shreds when I can ravish you instead." He laughed, a knife point sliding down my inner leg.

A week passed, then two. I lost my voice from screaming, whimpers and moans were the most I could muster. After the first week, I felt broken. It wasn't a lack of believing in Sam, it was a realization of the battle we still had to fight. And looking at Dean laughing down at me, watching one of my oldest friends torture me… faith starts to fail. Dean saw it in my eyes, and he let me walk around the cabin more and more. Sure he still kept me chained, but only my hands and used a long rope or chain to keep me from running away when he was gone. By the second week, I'd found my clothes, I ate, I paced the cabin. When Dean came home, he'd nod toward the room and I'd undress and lay down without a word. Some things you stop fighting.

 _"Ivy, Ivy please you need to get here, now. I need help, it's- it's Sam." Dean was scared, I could hear his voice shaking in the voicemail and I hit the gas pedal, flying towards Maloney Inn, where Dean and Sam had been, John off on a hunt. My old car screeched into the parking lot, and I drew my gun before kicking open room number 32. Dean paced between the bed and the bathroom, eyes rimmed in red and swimming with worry and fear._

 _"Dean!" I scanned the room for Sam. "Where's Sammy?"_

 _"Ivy, I don't- I don't know. He- I went to get dinner and when I came back he was gone. All his stuff… everything. No note, nothing." He grabbed me by the shoulders. "Please I don't, I have to find him. Before Dad gets home."_

 _I closed my eyes, thinking back a few months. John had dropped the boys off at Uncle Bobby's. We were sitting in a bar, Sam and I at a table. Dean had bought us a few drinks then split to the bar, flirting with some chick. Sam sipped his beer, turned to me._

 _"I'm tired, Ives." I looked into my boy's eyes, confused._

 _"What do you mean, Sammy?"_

 _"You, Dean, Dad, Bobby… this is your all's fight. Me- this has never meant as much to me as it does you. Don't get me wrong I- I love helping these people but… I'm tired of this life. It's not even that. It's not a life, it's more like slavery. I want to get out."_

 _"Sam, we don't get out. This is our life now." I gulped back my beer and grabbed another."Yeah, it sucks. We die young, we watch people we love die, we don't get a thanks we get a whole lot of crap. But we get to save people. And that's pretty great too."_

 _"I have a real shot at getting out of here, and I'm going to take it."_

 _"You know what Sam, you ever get out, send me an invite to your backyard barbecue, kay?" I laughed it off and tossed him a beer. Sam scoffed and popped it open, and we didn't talk about it again._

 _Dean was staring at me. "What? What do you know, Ivy?"_

 _"He said…" I swallowed hard. "He said he wanted out of the life and he said he had an idea on how to get out."_

 _"Did he say what?"_

 _"N-no. I didn't think he was serious. Figured he was wasted or something." I felt sick. "Oh my God. What the hell are we going to do? D-Dean, John's going to kill us. And when he finds Sam…"_

 _Dean's breath came shaky. "I know. First thing, you gotta get out of here."_

 _"What? Dean, no. No! You're not facing this alone." He was already pushing me out of the motel room, but I put my hand over his. "Dean… come back to Uncle Bobby's with me. Please, we'll find Sam. But John… he's going to rip you a new one."_

 _"Yeah. He can rip me a new one. Not you."_

 _"Dean-"_

 _"I'm not going to let you take this. This isn't yours. I'm not putting you in danger."_

Dean drew his fingers threw my hair, combing them out as he lay beside me. I didn't flinch anymore. Took too much energy. "Whatcha thinking about sweetheart?"

"The day that Sam left. You called me."

"I remember." He leaned close, breathed into my neck. I closed my eyes, a sob threatening to rise. I pushed it down, knowing the consequences if I acted out when Dean was holding me. "I really loved you, thought you were something else, you know that? I still do love you…" I didn't say a word as he kissed me hard. His phone rang in the other room, and after a moment he left. I flinched when he yelled to the person on the phone, and was still shaking as he came over and stroked my face. "I've got to go sweetheart. I'll be back. Be good." Dean left, grabbing the Blade and looping a chain through the handcuffs. The chain kept me tied to the bed, buoy was long enough I could roam around the cabin. I looked down at the cuffs; they'd become crusted with blood, my wrists swollen beneath the metal. I stumbled around, sleeping, eating a little, drinking a lot. Usually Dean was back around six, maybe seven, but he didn't show up. The next morning he still wasn't back. After a few hours I went to the bathroom mirror, looked at myself for the first time in a while.

My eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep, cheekbones bruised from Dean's more angry moods. My dark hair was matted and clumped together, I hadn't taken a shower in over two weeks. I had a split lip, blood dried on my lip. Hickies and small bite marks were collaged on my neck. I'd never had a lot of meat but now I was emaciated, hips and ribs and shoulders poking out at different angles. My arms, legs, and midsection were a hodge-podge of bruises, purple and green blossoming like sick flowers. The worse was my center, just standing there I could feel it throb, a constant burning that made walking painful every morning after. I stared in apathy into the mirror, who cared anymore? Sam wouldn't want me- I was trash, used up by his brother. Cas couldn't take this kind of crap away, and how could he even look at me knowing how dirty I was? If Sam ever even saved Dean, Dean wouldn't even want me anymore. What was I to them but a reminder of the demon? At least Dean loved me now, even as sick and twisted as he was I had some worth to him. J

Suddenly a phone started ringing. My phone. I strained against the chain; the phone was barely out of reach. After a moment I finally snatched it up, falling back onto the floor.

"H-hello?" My voice was scratched up from not speaking in over twenty four hours.

"...Ivy?"

"Sam?"


End file.
